The Baltic States

I don’t remember how it happened, but I decided to travel to the Baltic countries of Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia to ring in the new year of 2024. While these countries aren’t known for bustling tourist attractions, they’re rich in fascinating history and unique cuisine. This was my first solo trip since my ASD diagnosis, and it became a significant part of my journey in processing it.

Prior to this trip, I resolved that it would be my last time staying in hostels. Hostels worked well in my 20s when I had less money, but they no longer served me. Constantly being around people drains me, especially as I’m someone who deeply values alone time. This decision was validated almost immediately upon starting my journey in Vilnius, Lithuania.

Vilnius, Lithuania

When I arrived in Vilnius, the cobblestone streets were packed with snow, and the temperature hovered around 7°F. It was about a half mile walk to my hostel, so I dragged my roller bag through the snow, switching hands repeatedly to keep them warm. I forgot to pack my gloves, and I was paying the price for that decision. As I traversed the streets, I admired the beautiful buildings lined with Christmas lights and decorations. It almost looked like I had entered a castle fortress. The streets were full of people in every direction as they entered and exited the numerous shops and restaurants. My hands were too numb to stop and stare for long. I was anxious to get out of the cold.

I finally arrived at my hostel and settled in my bunk, where it was warm, dark, and quiet. It was just what I needed in that moment. My serenity would not last long. Suddenly, it was disturbed by a group of Russian men that stormed into the room. They turned the lights on and talked loudly to one another. The temperature in the room became unbearably hot. Everything was so overwhelming that I wanted to hit my head against the wall. The sensory overload hit hard, a feeling difficult to describe but akin to having my heightened senses crash into my brain at full speed. My only reprieve was to take off most of my clothes and put on my noise-canceling headphones. These things helped, but it wasn’t a perfect fix. Eventually, they left, and the calmness returned, but it was my personal hell for a couple of hours.

The following morning, I went on a free walking tour through Vilnius. I learned about the history, customs, and belief systems of the Lithuanian people. While on the tour, I started chatting with the other attendees. I ended up connecting with two of them, Oscar and Matt. We spent the day together drinking, eating at various restaurants, and sharing travel stories. Oscar is from Spain and was spending a couple of years traveling solo around the world. Matt is from Buffalo, NY, and was on a multi-city journey through Europe and Asia. I’ve been to 33 countries, but both Oscar and Matt have almost tripled that number individually. Many of the stories they told sounded like they could be full-length movies. As we got to know each other, we consumed Lithuanian cuisine like potato pancakes and zeppelinas. I also ordered kvass, a staple drink in Eastern Europe made from fermented bread. It felt great to dine and drink with fellow explorers.

The next day was New Year's Eve. I spent the day walking through the neighborhoods, including the Republic of Užupiz, which is in the middle of Vilnius but has its own government, constitution, and currency.  It’s a tiny republic covering less than 1 sq km. After, I walked to the top of Gediminas Tower to experience panoramic views of the city. I was starting to feel tired, so I headed back to my hostel to charge my phone and relax before the night festivities began.

Later that night, I walked to the main square where there was supposed to be a countdown to ring in 2024. I arrived at about 9:30 pm, and there were very few people. As we got closer to midnight, the crowds quadrupled in number. Pop music blared from the speaker systems surrounding the Square. It appeared that the entire country showed up for this event. Ten seconds to midnight, the music stopped suddenly, and a countdown started, projecting on a large tower. The crowd excitedly counted down in unison. The moment it hit zero, fireworks and lasers lit up the sky. The crowd erupted in applause. It was the most beautiful fireworks display I had ever seen. Strangers formed conga lines hundreds of people long as they danced through the streets. I couldn’t help but smile at the collective joy I was witnessing.

I was tired of being in the cold, so I walked to a nearby bar called 7 Fridays for a couple of beers. The DJ at this bar played music from all of the artists I love: Anderson .Paak, Mob Deep, Wu-Tang, Kendrick Lamar, and J. Cole, to name a few. I rapped along to every track in disbelief that this brand of hip-hop was so popular in Eastern Europe. It was a great way to end my time in Lithuania. The next stop was Riga, Latvia!

Riga, Latvia

Latvia was more laid back than Lithuania, but it was equally beautiful. The streets and buildings were covered in snow. Walking was stressful as patches of ice invisibly coated the ground. The risk of suddenly slipping and/or falling was high despite the non-slip boots I was wearing.

Like Vilnius, I started my time in Riga with a walking tour. Learning the history of war and architecture was fascinating, but one fact that stood out the most was that Riga is the birthplace of the decorated Christmas tree! I had no idea that this tiny country, which most people have never heard of, was the catalyst for a yearly worldwide tradition.

I spent the next few days either walking through the city or isolating myself in my hostel. The outside temperature was consistently in single digits Fahrenheit. I kept warm by purchasing traditional drinks at the Christmas market, like hot balzam and spiced cider. Both were hot drinks with a high percentage of alcohol. It was exactly what I needed.

During my walks, I came across the Riga Central Market. It was a massive building with hundreds of vendors selling various foods, household products, and souvenirs. I was mesmerized by not only the size of the market but also the amount of fruits and vegetables I’d never seen before. I found the food court at the market and picked a restaurant at random to purchase a meal from because the options were too overwhelming to stop and think about it. After eating half of a delicious chicken, I was ready to head back to my hostel.

On the way back, I decided to check out a bar next door to where I was staying. It was my last full day in Latvia, and I wanted to close it out with a local craft beer. This is when things got weird. I was the only person in this bar besides the bartender. As I sat quietly enjoying my drink, a man stormed in and sat next to me. He instantly started talking to me in broken English, asking where I was from and what my heritage was. He seemed eager to have a conversation. He told me that he was from Poland. Then he started asking me for money. I told him that I didn’t have any cash on me. He then asked if I would buy him a drink, which I refused. He ordered himself a drink anyway as he continued asking about my life. As he talked, he pulled out Russian currency and handed it to me, telling me it was a gift. For reasons unknown, he then pulled his phone out and started showing me pictures and videos of him and his wife, some of which were sexually explicit. All I wanted was a quiet evening with a beer or two, but now homemade porn was being shoved in my face against my will. I had no desire to continue any dialogue with this man.

Soon, he got up and started putting his coat on. I thought, “Finally, this is coming to an end”. Things only escalated from there, though. The bartender asked him to pay for his drink, and an argument ensued. He became belligerent and started yelling in the bartender’s face. She was young and petite but didn’t back down and yelled back at him. They yelled back and forth in a language I didn’t understand. As he continued yelling, he angrily grabbed the Russian currency that he gave me and stormed out. After he was gone, the bartender told me that he was trying to put the drink on my tab, and she was explaining to him that I never agreed to that. That’s what escalated things to this level. I was glad that ordeal was finally over and grateful that she was looking out for me. I paid my tab, thanked her once again, and left.

Later that night, I walked into the lobby of my hostel to see three guys relaxing and listening to hip-hop. They invited me to join them and we talked politics as we listened to music. I learned that they were from Lithuania and just passing through. One of them told me that he was thinking about moving to the United States but wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. He was curious about what life in America was like. We compared work life balance, income, healthcare, and gun violence. My average middle class income was more than what all three of them made combined. It became clearer the pros and cons of the systems we both lived under. Although they had generous government safety nets that created a safe society where everyone is taken care of, wages were incredibly low. His exact words were “We are all equally poor.” It was a thought provoking dialogue. I reflected on our conversation as I prepared for the next leg of my journey, Tallinn, Estonia.

Tallinn, Estonia

Estonia would be the most fun country on this trip. I was unintentionally saving the best for last. I dropped my bags off at my hostel and immediately started walking around the main square, where there was a Christmas market. It was packed with people browsing the items being sold at the various vendors. The aroma of grilling meats immediately filled my nostrils. A large Christmas tree stood tall and bright, illuminating the entire square. Christmas lights hovered above and were strewn across the top of the vendor tents. Performers danced, sang, and played traditional holiday music as hundreds of onlookers gazed in amazement. Despite the frigid cold and heavy snow and ice on the ground, you could sense the collective joy of people of all ages. I briefly enjoyed the show, but I was on a mission.

There was a medieval tavern that I was anxious to check out called III Draakon, not far from the Christmas market. The first thing I noticed when I walked in was how dark it was. The only lighting available was from candles. Everything from the attire of the staff to the cutlery and wooden tables felt like I stepped back in time. The waitresses were rude, which was also part of the bit to mimic what the Middle Ages were like. It wasn’t off-putting at all, but rather entertaining. I decided to order the ox rib. Twenty minutes later, a long and thick slab of meat came out with a knife poking out of it. The flavor was perfect and worth the high price tag. This was a great start to my first night in Tallinn.

After dinner, I walked back to my hostel to see dozens of other travelers conversing, drinking, and playing games. I purchased a beer and sat on a nearby couch, watching it all unfold, not saying a word to anybody. I was too crippled by social anxiety to make the first move. Naturally, people started introducing themselves to me and invited me to join in on their games. I played a competitive game of Uno, foosball, and beer pong as I got to know humans from all over the planet.

A few of them had plans to go to a bar called Ükskõik and invited me to join them. I had nothing better to do, so I joined and listened to them drunkenly debate the politics of the European Union. I’m well informed about U.S. politics, but I was completely lost in this conversation. I realized how little I knew about the world outside of my American bubble.

I spent the next couple of nights bar hopping with this same group. One day, we went to a karaoke bar where they unsuccessfully tried to convince me to sing. I sat in a corner and listened instead. I picked a random seat but ended up having a great conversation with the woman seated next to me. I don’t remember her name or where she was from, but she kept buying me drinks. The moment I finished one, she was buying another one. I felt super comfortable talking to her and shared with her that I recently found out I was autistic.

I’m not sure how we got on that topic, but I tend to overshare when I drink too much, so that’s probably what was happening. She excitedly responded, “Oh my God! Me too!”. She was additionally diagnosed with ADHD and other comorbidities of depression and anxiety. At this point, the group I came to the bar with had already left. The woman and I spent hours talking about neurodivergence and what it's like navigating this world not built for us. It felt so good to connect with someone who understood exactly what I was feeling. After telling her that my wife also has ADHD, she gave me great insight, which deepened my understanding of ADHD and its dynamics in relationships, including my marriage. Our conversation taught me that although my autistic experience may feel lonely at times, it isn’t unique. There are others in this world dealing with the same struggles as me.

We were staying in the same hostel, so she closed the tab, and we headed back. We were both inebriated and walking on icy streets in the middle of the night. The streets were quiet and showed no signs of life. She held onto my arm as we walked slowly together, trying not to fall on the slippery cobblestone roads and laughing at our clumsiness. We arrived and hugged goodnight. I never saw or heard from her again. In hindsight, I should have asked for her social media info, but maybe she was only meant to be in my life for that moment.

I spent the rest of my morning and afternoon relaxing in bed and recovering from a long night. I sometimes forget that I’m not in my 20s anymore, and this was a clear reminder.

Later that night, my new friends invited me to go to a nightclub with them. It wasn’t my thing anymore in my advanced age, but I went anyway. The music was too loud. The floors were sticky. It was hot and overcrowded. I wondered why I ever enjoyed this activity during my early adulthood. The music was good, though, so I bopped my head and moved to the beat with a drink in hand. I lost most of my group in the crowd and didn’t care enough to look for them.

Minutes later, my group found me and said they were going to a karaoke bar. I was relieved that we were finally leaving. We went to a different karaoke bar than the first one. This time, I was successfully pressured into singing. My new friends enjoyed my rendition of Al Green- Let’s Stay Together so much that they begged for more. I sang passionately all night as they cheered me on. I was grateful for another fun night.

I got up early the next morning to explore the city of Tallinn. I admired the colorful buildings along with the medieval architecture. I easily walked ten miles around the city. My legs started hurting, so I returned to the hostel to relax.

As I walked inside, two French ladies I met on my first day made a strong case for why I should join them for ice skating. They would not accept no as an answer. It wasn’t something I had a lot of experience with, so I was nervous about my capabilities. I reluctantly accepted, and four other people joined us there. They all seemed to be professional skaters by the way they moved with ease and grace on the ice. Initially, I was wobbly and unstable, but they all gave me pertinent tips that helped hugely. One person in particular that was helpful was a woman from Germany named Veronica. She was kind enough to hold my hands and guide me around the rink until I felt comfortable by myself. In a short space of time, my skating ability improved drastically. I was having fun and picking up speed as I learned how to control my body. The six of us continued skating until the sun went down, and we had the entire rink to ourselves. After skating, we stopped at a nearby spot called F-hoone for beer. Then we walked to Kompressor restaurant for what Estonians call “pancakes,” but they look more like crepes to me. I ordered the strawberry pancake and it was incredible. After dinner, I went straight to bed as I had to get up early for my day trip to Helsinki, Finland!

Traveling from Tallinn to Helsinki was only a two hour boat ride. Veronica was also going to Helsinki, so we traveled there and boarded the massive boat together. Despite it being a short ride, the boat had a cruise ship vibe to it. It was filled with restaurants, bars, a casino, and comfortable seating. As the boat moved through the waters, ice shelves appeared to cover the seas as far as the eye could see.

Veronica and I were able to have a great conversation the entire ride. We seemed to cover every significant topic, ranging from climate change and capitalism to healthy eating, philosophy, and neurodivergence. Talking to Veronica especially helped me to understand the connection between autism and my childhood trauma. She was so kind and easy to talk to that I felt completely comfortable being open with her. She also laughed so hard at my jokes that I felt like the funniest person in the world.

When we arrived in Helsinki, we immediately started looking for a coffee shop to continue our conversation. As we walked off the boat platform, one of the first things I noticed was the expansive and advanced public transportation system. There were beautiful looking trains and buses all over the streets. It felt like a futuristic metropolis. We found a quiet cafe in the mall and talked for another hour. She told me that she had a yearly routine of creating motivational quotes. Her mantra for 2024 was, “You cannot lose, only win experiences.” We parted ways after coffee, but this quote stuck with me long after she was gone. We may never cross paths again, but I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to connect with this beautiful soul.

Helsinki is a beautiful city, but there wasn’t much to do. I walked around the city center a bit before heading to the Helsinki Central Library. This was the most aesthetically pleasing library I had ever seen in my life. It’s difficult to explain, and pictures aren’t allowed in much of the building. You’ll just have to see it for yourself. Not only was the building beautifully designed, but there was a multitude of things to do besides reading. There were guitars, sewing machines, 3D printers, and videogame rooms. These were all things I had never seen in a library before, so I was in awe. I was super tired, so I found a spot to take a nap. I woke up a couple of hours later and left the library to find something quick to eat. I ended up at a Chinese buffet with mediocre food, but it was cheap and provided the sustenance I needed.

After dinner, I walked towards Senate Square and climbed to the top of the stairs to reach Helsinki Cathedral. I got to the top only to realize the church was closed. I came close to falling multiple times on the way up because of snow and ice. I was frustrated that I almost died for no reason. Despite this disappointment, I was still able to enjoy panoramic views of the city from this vantage point. As I stood reflecting, with fingers and toes going numb, my phone started to buzz. It was Mauricio, a Colombian guy I met at my hostel who lives in Helsinki. We made plans to meet up and go to a sauna.

Saunas are super popular in Finland and are inexpensive. We arrived at the sauna and got undressed, placing our items in lockers electronically operated by a wristband. Wearing nothing but shorts, we grabbed towels and walked outside into the frigid and windy weather. Shivering, I followed Mauricio as we walked a path to an Olympic-sized pool. Surprisingly, the pool water was lukewarm. We stayed in for a few minutes before getting out and walking back in the direction that we came from.

As we walked, I noticed a small tub full of burly European men. This tub had large chunks of ice floating in it. The men talked casually with each other, seemingly completely unfazed by the fact that they were outside and sitting in a pool of ice-cold water. As we approached, Mauricio walked into the ice-cold tub. A polar plunge is simply a line I wasn’t willing to cross, so I looked on and waited for him. As I waited, the men kept encouraging me to join them. I thought about it briefly but respectfully declined. Mauricio jumped out, and we continued in the same direction.

We walked into a dimly lit room full of both men and women sitting quietly. The heat was incredibly intense against my skin. Every few minutes, one of the men would pour water over hot coals, increasing the temperature of the room even further. I jokingly said out loud, “I wonder how hot this can get.”. A Russian man responded, “Let’s find out,” and poured what seemed like a gallon of water on the coals. I started confessing my sins because if Hell is anything like this, I want no part of it. I had to make my heart right with the Lord. After about 15 minutes, Mauricio and I jumped into the Olympic sized pool again, then back to the sauna. We repeated this cycle multiple times for a couple of hours. Going from extreme cold to extreme heat over and over felt like a shock to my system.

When it was all over, I felt like a new person. My mind was clearer. My anxiety was gone. My skin was much smoother. No wonder the Finnish are such happy people! I got dressed and headed to the port to catch a boat back to Tallinn, Estonia. Finland was a last-minute plan, but it was more than worth it.

The following day was my last full day in Estonia. I used that time to learn more about the communist history of the country. First, I walked through the KGB prison cells. I observed the living conditions, including the interrogation chair and “cupboards” used for torture. I tried to imagine what it must have been like for a prisoner at that time. It’s a small museum, but it's worth seeing.

I wanted to catch the sunset, so I left the museum and walked to a high point with a great view of the entire city. Unfortunately, it was cloudy, but the view was beautiful nonetheless. As I sat and reflected on my entire trip, I remembered that there was one last thing I wanted to see.

I headed to the Kiek in de Kök museum. This museum was comprised of four medieval towers which were used as fortifications, all built between the 14th and 18th centuries. There were also underground tunnels to explore, but unfortunately, they were closed when I arrived. Still, I was able to get a great overview of Estonian history.

After my history lesson, it was time for a drink. I went to the Sigmund Freud bar, which had unique drink cocktails. One of my drinks had cotton candy sticking out of it, for example. They were a little pricey at €12, but 100% worth it.

Conclusion

As I reflect on my time in Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, and briefly Finland, I carry with me not just memories but also a renewed appreciation for the power of travel to expand our worldviews and foster connections. The people I met, the stories we shared, and the moments of quiet reflection reminded me that the world is vast, yet human experiences are universal. I discovered not only the beauty of these countries, but a deeper understanding of myself. In the words of a friend I met along the way: 'You cannot lose, only win experiences’.