2020 in Review

I’ve been reflecting on 2020 and figured I’d give you a perspective of my year you haven’t seen. People saw the fun I was having through my Instagram posts but had no idea what was happening behind the scenes.

It all began in February 2020. In February, I moved from Chicago, Illinois, to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I left a city where I had numerous meaningful friendships to a place where I knew nobody. It was a tough but necessary decision to reach my long term goals. A month after moving, Pennsylvania went into a statewide lockdown to slow the spread of coronavirus, which was beginning to take over the entire world. Bars and restaurants closed their doors. Streets were desolate. Strict travel restrictions were being put in place.

By March, I was given the opportunity to go on a Pandemic Unemployment Assistance program. I honestly didn’t need the money, and it would be a pay cut from what I was making, but I was burnt out from constantly hustling. It was a much needed break. I planned on using my free time to learn a second language, master guitar, learn coding, cooking, and many other skills. None of this happened. I had flight plans to the nation of Jordan that were canceled, and I knew my other planned international trips for the rest of the year were in jeopardy. This caused me to go into a deep depression.

My entire life was built around travel, so I struggled to cope. Most people I talked to about it trivialized my pain and acted like I was overreacting. Think about the one thing you’re passionate about being suddenly stripped away from you and how this would make you feel. Then, you will understand what I was experiencing. This was compounded by my being alone in a new city without human contact. I’m a natural introvert, but it turns out I have limits on my isolation. I spent much time laying in bed watching Netflix, ordering Doordash, and eating snacks. I also became a frequent wine drinker. The liquor stores were closed, so this was my strongest option to drown my sorrow. I knew nothing about wine but looked for bottles with the highest ABV possible. I did this only a couple of days a week but always finished the entire bottle the same day.

In the midst of this, a new friendship was forming with a woman I only knew from Twitter named Rosalinda, who was from Miami. It started with Twitter direct messages, which shifted to exchanging numbers and texting. This evolved into us having a virtual date through FaceTime. She’s an even bigger traveler than I am, so she was also struggling to cope with this new reality. She was the only person I knew, and vice versa, who understood how difficult this was. This is what we bonded over. We talked for 7 hours that day and every day after that. Talking to her was the highlight of my day. She‘s the kind of person to spontaneously book a flight to Japan at a moment’s notice because she feels like it. The moment she realizes what she wants, she waits for nothing and nobody.

Fast forward to May, and my depression has reached a new level. I found out that one of my good friends in Chicago died from complications of COVID-19. I talked to him only three weeks prior, and he was vibrant and healthy. It seemed to happen so fast. Only weeks after this, in June, my grandma died. I was filled with guilt for not calling her as often as I should have. Rosalinda stopped responding to my texts and calls and seemed to disappear from the planet. I was confused and didn’t understand what went wrong. After these painful losses, I decided I needed to take a road trip. The day after my grandmother’s funeral, I started heading south.

My first stop would be Gatlinburg, Tennessee. In Philadelphia, most businesses were closed, and there was 100% mask usage. The South felt like a different world. Nobody wore masks, and everything was open. It was like the pandemic didn’t exist in their minds. The locals were super friendly and seemed eager to talk to me. The following morning, I hiked the Great Smoky Mountains before continuing my journey. The next stop was Georgia. I spent a few days here with family and celebrating my 33rd birthday. It was a fruitful time of bonding and much needed hugs.

I was headed to Miami, Florida, next and had a struggle in my mind whether to contact Rosalinda since I would be in her city. I refuse to ever let a woman see me that weak, but at the same time, I missed her. The day of my birthday, she texted me unexpectedly. I was in shock when her name popped up on my phone. I told her I’ll be in town soon, and we plan to meet.

My first day in Miami, I rented a bike and rode through the Everglades National Park. Now and then, I’d stop and explore the side trails. It was a 15 mile loop with no cover from the sun. As the sweat poured down my face and into my eyes and mouth, I kept asking myself why I was doing this. On one of the side trails, I spotted a massive alligator. It was only inches away from me but seemed to ignore my presence as it relaxed in a freshwater swamp. This alone made my visit worth it. Later that day, I met Rosalinda for the first time. We walked around Wynwood District, admiring the murals before having dinner at a local Mac & cheese spot. After our date, she called me, and we talked for hours on the phone, just like old times. We never discussed why she disappeared, and I saw no need to bring it up in conversation. The next morning, I started my 17 hour drive back to Philadelphia. It was fun, but I decided I’d never do that amount of driving alone again.

Once I return home, I begin feeling restless and depressed again. In July, I made a spontaneous decision to take Amtrak to California. Amtrak was only selling tickets at 50% capacity, so it was easy to keep at a safe distance from other riders. The plan was to visit Sacramento, followed by San Francisco. This is my first trip, where the journey there is just as exciting as the destination. I hop on the train, initially nervous about how this would go but feeling optimistic at the same time. I settled down in my coach seat, and off we went.

Naturally, I started comparing the train experience to a commercial airplane. This is obviously significantly slower, but there are definite pros, too. The first thing I noticed was the comfort level of the seating. Usually, when I fly, I don’t have enough legroom, so I suffer in pain the entire flight. On this train, I had enough room to stretch my legs out completely without discomfort. Also, there was no butt pain from sitting in one spot for too long. The first part of my journey took me from Philadelphia to Chicago. The scenery wasn’t as exciting, so I tried to occupy my time browsing my social media accounts. The WiFi and cell service were spotty, so I struggled to communicate and respond to people. Eventually, I gave up and spent much of the journey reading and taking naps instead. I arrived in Chicago, where I was required to transfer to another train to continue my journey. I had 4 hours to blow in the Windy City, so I met up with a friend nearby. We spent our time reminiscing about the old days before wearing a face mask was a thing. Later, we hugged goodbye as I boarded my train, the California Zephyr.

My journey from Chicago to Sacramento had begun. I reclined my seat and enjoyed the views of the river moving parallel with the train tracks. The train slowly rocked back and forth as the descending sun illuminated the sky in a bright orange hue. I fell into a deep sleep as darkness filled the skies. This was the most relaxed I’ve felt in months. A couple of hours later, I woke up from my nap and walked upstairs and through two train cars to get to the observation car. This is where people congregated to observe the scenery through massive windows. Thankfully, given it was nighttime, there weren’t many people. I sat across from a brunette who appeared to be in her early 20s. We kept making eye contact without saying one word to each other. I wanted to say hi but also didn’t want to be annoying by bothering her. After minutes of silence, she points to my chest and says, “I like your shirt!”. I was wearing a Free Hugs shirt that night. This would spark 3 hours long conversation about travel, politics, literature, hobbies, and life in general. Her name was Betta, and she was moving from NYC to Denver for 11 months to do an accelerated program. I’m familiar with and lived in both cities, so I was able to give her pertinent tips. Her train stop was early the following morning, so we exchanged numbers, and she went to bed. I sat by myself, eating an overpriced, microwaved dinner purchased at the cafe, pondering how I almost missed out on a potential friendship. I thought, "This is why you’re still single, Darnell.”

Three days later, I arrived in Sacramento and picked up my car rental. While there, I met up with a Twitter friend named Angela. We met for the first time after interacting for nine years. She has a vivacious and enthusiastic personality, so is easy to get along with. She loves smoking marijuana and loves growing plants in general more than anyone I know. We spent time at her place, laughing a lot, sharing Twitter memories, eating snacks, and watching movies. The next few days were spent exploring the city. Old Sacramento had an ancient feel, from the Gold Rush era buildings to the cobblestone streets to the horse drawn carriages. It felt like I went back in time. Later, I walked around downtown, where many streets were blocked off to make room for outdoor dining. This was a direct result of the coronavirus restrictions prohibiting restaurants from having patrons inside. I was impressed with the creativity of the restaurant businesses to still find ways to make a profit. On my final full day in Sacramento, I did a day trip where I hiked to the top of Cascade Falls at Lake Tahoe. I had a clear view of the lake at the top of the mountain. For hours, I was the only one there. The only sounds present were those of Blue Jays chirping and flying around me. After my hike, I went to a seafood spot with Angela and her roommate, where we enjoyed crab, oysters, and lobster. I spent a lot of money that day but have no regrets.

I was off to San Francisco, but on the way, Rosalinda called me. I was tired of the uncertainty of our status and asked her where this was going. She tells me she’s had terrible experiences with long distance relationships and doesn’t want to do it again. I was disappointed but relieved I now had clarity.

San Francisco was cold, rainy, and cloudy my entire time there. It turns out August is a terrible time to visit there. Still, I enjoyed the views from different vantage points like Land’s End and Bernal Heights Park. Of course, I visited popular tourist spots like Golden Gate Bridge, Lombard Street, and 16th Ave Tiled Steps. It was a mostly fun city but also blatantly racist. I was taking a stroll one day, admiring the scenery, when a woman walking in front of me turned around and walked backward while giving me a piercing stare. I’m guessing she thought I was following her. Then, there were a couple of instances where I sat in my rental car outside of residential neighborhoods, and people came out of their homes to stare at me angrily. On my last day, I was perusing a gift shop when I noticed one of the employees following me. He aggressively asks me if I need help, and I tell him I’m just browsing. He then pretended to adjust items on the shelves behind me on every aisle I went. He thought he was being subtle, but I knew what was happening. He lost my sale in that instant, and I left. These things happen to me everywhere I go, but I wrongly assumed this city would be different. San Francisco is painted as a super liberal, tolerant place, but I quickly learned the truth. Once I made it home, I decided it was time to get off of unemployment and return to working for my money. Soon, I was working nonstop with no future travel plans.

Frustration, loneliness, and sadness hit me harder than ever. Friends called me frequently through Zoom and FaceTime, but it wasn’t enough. For the first time in years, my life had become all work and no play. Words can’t describe how this broke me mentally. In desperation, I downloaded the Coffee Meets Bagel dating app. Through that app, I connected with a Dominican woman named Sara, who lived in the Bronx. She didn’t drink alcohol, and all the restaurants were closed because of the pandemic. This made it difficult to figure out what to do for a first date.

This forced me to be more creative, and I decided on a picnic at Gantry State Plaza Park. I made tuna sandwiches, peanut punch, and bought drinks and KFC. It’s a two hour drive from Philly to NYC, and there was a torrential downpour the entire time. I was praying that things would clear up by the time we arrived. Thankfully, the sky cleared, and we enjoyed a picnic by the river overlooking the skyline. We walked around the park and later got sushi. She didn’t think we were compatible because I’m a “free spirit, “ and she prefers structure, but we got along so well that we still hang out often as friends. She still talks about how much fun she had that day. She has a calming aura about her that’s difficult to explain. Maybe it’s the cadence of her voice or the way she laughs at everything I say, like I’m the funniest person in the world. She’s the kind of person to whom you can tell your darkest secrets, and she would never judge you for it. Talking to her has been helping me to navigate this new world. Someone like that is worth keeping around, so we will likely be friends for life.

In September, as I was returning home from a wedding in Wisconsin, I got a call from Rosalinda. She tells me she’s going to Mexico the following week and I should join her. This was shocking because she disappeared again for a few weeks and suddenly called to invite me to spend a week with her in a foreign country. We kept it platonic and had an incredible time. Check my Mexico blog post to learn more. After the trip, I had a long layover in Miami, so I spent it hanging out at her place. I posted a few pics of us on social media with the hashtag #friends. She looks at me and says, “I can’t believe you. Did you just friend zone me?” I was baffled because I thought we established that we weren’t dating. I decide not to entertain her mixed signals and laugh it off.

When I made it home, I invited another Twitter friend to come over. Her name was Carmella. She’s originally from the island of Jamaica but lived only two hours away in a New Jersey suburb. There were bizarre parallels between our upbringing and mental health struggles, and we moved to different cities often. She was like a version of me with boobs but way funnier. We finally lived close enough to visit each other after a couple of years of conversing online. She showed up with a Popeyes Spicy Chicken meal, so things were off to a great start. We drank whiskey, watched movies, and danced to reggae all night. She left the following morning, and I was too sad about it to go out and work. I was spending so much time alone that I craved these moments of human contact. As my sadness consumed me, I decided it was time for another road trip. This time, I was going to upstate New York. I spent the day walking through a gorge at Watkins Glen State Park. Then, I sampled wine at a nearby winery, Ryan William Vineyard. It was one of my shorter trips, but it was fun nonetheless.

Towards the end of October, Rosalinda told me she was at the airport booking flights. I jokingly told her to book one to Philadelphia, and she actually does it. She was only there for two days, but we drove to Hershey Park when I picked her up from the airport. She successfully convinced me to go on a couple of roller coasters. My two biggest fears are heights and falling. Roller coasters combine both of those things. After shaking violently from fear because of the second coaster, I tell her I’m done, and she’s on her own from this point. We drove back to Philadelphia, and I surprised her with a birthday cake with her name on it. Her birthday was a week away, and I wanted to do something thoughtful. I had no motive but to see my friend happy. We went out for breakfast the next morning and had to do a little walking. She’s not used to the colder climate, so I let her borrow my hoodie. After breakfast, I took her to the airport while she still had my hoodie on. She looks at me and says,” I hope you know I’m keeping this.” Then she gets out and casually walks into the airport terminal. I don’t think I’m ever getting it back.

The next day, I had a flight booked to Texas. A good friend from Chicago moved to Austin, Texas, and invited me to explore this new city with her. We spent a week eating at the numerous food trucks sprawled throughout the city. Austin easily had the best tacos I’ve ever tasted outside of Mexico. The most surprising part about Austin was the amount of nature it has. There’s a countless amount of hiking trails and lakes. The views are a site to witness. Also, I got to see millions of bats flying out to feed on a Halloween full moon. It was perfect.

The week I returned home, I saw a picture of a waterfall in upstate New York called Kaaterskill Falls. In that moment, I decided I needed to see it. A week later, I was driving up there. I hiked down and admired it for an hour. The sound of the cascading water was so soothing. Hiking down was easy, but coming back up was incredibly strenuous. It was raining, which made the climb slippery. It was foggy, which made visibility nonexistent. It was 30°F, but I was sweating under my hoodie and short of breath. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would jump out of my chest. If these issues weren’t bad enough, I was lost since the trail wasn’t clearly marked. I made it out of the wooded mountains simply by instinct. This sounds like a terrible experience, but the very next day, I was excited, reminiscing, and filled with joy that it happened. I assume this is similar to what women feel after childbirth but on a much smaller scale. Please don’t attack me. This is the only comparison I could think of.

A month later, my friend in Austin opened up to me about something she was dealing with. That’s when I decided to drive there from Philadelphia. It’s about a 24 hour drive, so it seemed best to break it up into two days. I drove for 6 hours, stopping in Roanoke, Virginia. While there, I visited a craft brewery and spent the next morning hiking to the top of McAfee Knob Appalachian Trail. I stood at the edge, pondering how long the authorities would take to find my body if I fell from this elevation.

I hiked down and immediately headed to Memphis, Tennessee. It took about 12 hours to get there. The following morning, I visited the famous Sun Studio. This is where artists like B.B. King, Elvis, Ike Turner, and Johnny Cash recorded music. It’s considered the birthplace of Rock n’ Roll. Next, I visited the Civil Rights Museum. This was at the Lorraine Motel, where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was shot. It was educational and made me angry. It made me more grateful for what civil rights leaders had to endure for the freedom I enjoy today as a black man in America.

After leaving the museum, I headed directly to Austin. I was hitting a mental wall with the constant driving, but I only had 12 hours to go. I soon arrived where my friend had a home cooked meal ready for me. Being there allowed me to explore Austin more than last time. I once again did more hiking and eating at food trucks. I was falling in love with a city I’d only been to twice in the same year unexpectedly. After a week, it was time to go back home. On the way back, I planned on stopping more frequently, but my plans were quickly thwarted by an oncoming snowstorm hitting the northeastern United States.

I stopped in Memphis briefly to experience the famous barbecue. I honestly wasn’t impressed. Everything about my meal, from the ribs to the macaroni and cheese, was bland. I left disappointed and headed to Nashville, where I stopped overnight. After checking out of my hotel, I headed to the Belle Meade plantation. I walked through a slave owner’s mansion and explored the slave quarters. Seeing the wealth created by slave labor made me want to backhand every white person I saw in my vicinity that day. After leaving the plantation, I headed to Hattie B’s for hot chicken. This is what Nashville is known for. I picked the hottest flavor, and this turned out to be a huge mistake. My entire body started tingling and going numb from a couple of bites. It was like my nervous system was shutting down. Tears streamed down my face, which was the arrogance leaving my body. For a moment, I thought I was going to die. The waitress offered me a milder version, which I gladly accepted. Soon after returning home, my cousins invited me to take a trip with them to the island of St. Croix for New Year's. This is where I am currently as of this writing.

I wrote this while awake at 3 a.m., so if you’ve made it this far, congratulations. 2020 has been a challenging year for me, but I know it’s way worse for many others, so I’m grateful. I created new, long term bonds with people that would never have happened if the pandemic never existed. I was so focused on international travel that I forgot how beautiful my own country is. Cheers to 2021 and a future with no contagious viruses shutting down the world.